Argh?

On Tuesday, Elizabeth and I went to the doctor again for another weight check...and she's still coming in at 7 lbs, 10 oz. 

Sigh.

The doctor thinks this is still fine.  Elizabeth is alert, she isn't dehydrated, she's having an acceptable number of wet diapers per day, etc.. But of course, I'm worried. I'm getting more worried each time we go and there's no significant gain. I've read so much stuff on breastfeeding and watched so many videos online over the last week or so that it's a little insane. I have also started to try to feed her every two hours instead of every three hours during the day. Either this next week or the week after, I'll start pumping. From what I've read, that can be pretty discouraging--I might be lucky to get half an ounce, at first.  I hope I can build up enough of a stock before I go back to work.

I keep trying to keep Michael's words of encouragement in mind. He tells me that I'm doing all I can, and that she's fine--that everything is being supervised by a doctor and that we're following the doctor's instructions. It's hard not to feel like a bit of a failure, though. For something that has been done for so long throughout the ages without any real instruction or guidelines for most of that time and that is supposed to be so natural, it is remarkably difficult to breastfeed.  Or maybe it is just remarkably difficult to breastfeed in today's world, even with all the advantages afforded by our technology and information.  Mothers of the past were probably not on the same timetable as some of the mothers of today--get the baby feeding ASAP because you need to go back to work and you need to have enough milk for a caregiver to give the baby through a bottle.  Mothers of the past were also blissfully ignorant.  There were no weight charts or online forums about what was ideal or normal or desirable in their baby. They just fed their babies and hoped they wouldn't get sick. 

We go back on Tuesday. So I'm going to feed my baby and hope that she doesn't get sick.