Keeping Abreast of Things....

So breastfeeding is hard. For me. Seriously.

 Note the design on her onesie. Michael thought it was particularly fitting for this blog post.

My little Elizabeth loves to be at the breast all the time. Apparently, breasts are good for food and for use as a pacifier, and it is the latter use that is especially difficult to endure. I know that this is actually a good thing--that it will stimulate my milk production and help when it comes time to pump--but it's hard to be so positive about it when I can barely find time to shower or use the bathroom or brush my teeth without causing her to wail.  Add the soreness that comes from having a baby latched onto your boobs most of the day (and the fact that you stupidly used a nipple shield in the hospital, so you had to wean your daughter off of it once you got home--meaning you had to go through the whole re-toughening of the areolae again) and you have a situation that is so not fun.

As hard as it is on me, I think it's even worse for Michael. He wants so much to help, and he feels helpless when she's crying for something he can't provide. He's even said that he would support me completely if I wanted to start using formula instead, because he had no idea that breastfeeding would take so much time and effort. He just wants time with his daughter that doesn't involve her screaming in his face and trying to nurse on his shoulder or hand or elbow.  He really, really wants to be able to feed her. Elizabeth's quiet (but alert), cute times are few and far between right now, and usually happen in the wee hours of the morning--he doesn't get to hold her when she's peaceful all that often, and he feels like he's missing out.

I'm not giving up yet. If I can keep this up for two more weeks, then my milk supply should be fairly well established and I can start pumping. I think things will get better once I do that, and we can start using bottles. Elizabeth really liked the use of the nipple shield, so I think she'll take to bottles rather well--she might even prefer them, once she sees how much easier it is to get to the good stuff.

Another factor in all of this is Elizabeth's weight. Babies lose some of their birth weight just after they're born, but ideally it will be regained within two weeks. The day we left the hospital (Tuesday, June 28th), Elizabeth weighed 7 lbs, 15 oz., and at her first check-up on Thursday, June 30th, she weighed 7 lbs, 9 oz.. That weekend, I broke her from using the nipple shield out of concern that it was restricting my milk flow, and we had our first gain this last Tuesday, July 2nd--she was 7 lbs, 10 oz.. Her next weight check is this upcoming Tuesday, so I'm hoping to see some major gains by then.  If she isn't gaining, then I'll visit with a lactation consultant...but if that fails, then I'll have to seriously rethink the use of formula. I go back to work in the second week of August, so I don't really have the luxury of letting the feeding situation go for much longer without knowing for sure that she'll have enough food to get her through the day and keep her on track for weight gain.

Sometimes this is so scary, because now we're responsible for a little human being whose survival and ability to thrive depends on us and the decisions we make concerning her care. Luckily, we have a lot of support and encouragement from friends and family, and from our healthcare providers. They all say we're doing everything we should, and that we're doing well. Sometimes we actually believe them.